My blog posts have been very anachronistic and why would not they be, When I decided to let world know about my love I had so many things to write and in no order. This blog post should have been first post but any way....
So how I fell in love with darling and why darling. Why only darling, even I don't have any answer for this. It is not that I have never been attracted towards any one. I did have my share of attractions towards others but none of them lasted for more than 2/3 days. I just got over the person really soon. And yes I did not have any physical relation with any of them. But then there was darling. 4 years younger to me but yet behave so maturely (atleast when only two of us are around).
It all began when I got new job in August last year. I was excited with new job but never anticipated that it is going to get me my soul mate, though not so easily. I was sitting on the same floor with darling. I noticed that darling was jovial though we never had much of discussion b/w us as I was new to company to so as to my colleagues. Darling was not even my direct colleague. I can't really recall what darling told me first but yes he started teasing me coz of my dumb looks. My formal wear and bald head got me name wally. Not very interesting and I was not at all happy about once I saw picture of wally. Darling would introduced me to any new person as wally and it would sadden me deeply. But I did not say any thing to darling. (well, by then we were not darling but I can't say any thing else but call my soul mate darling). There were times when I badly wanted to retaliated but I did not. First it was a new company for me and second I was trying to be patient. (But darling you tested my patience badly, very badly).One day darling called me Pathetic Moron (and yes I am, may be you can add psycho also) in front of my colleague and kept laughing and I did not have any idea how to react to this. May be laughing would have been a better escape way. It's good if I learn this habit soon to face all those who either keep asking me about my single status or my habit of not growing hair at all. But I am so and I can not change my self for sake of others. There are many such instances when I was badly hurt but I am not going to write all of them. One day darling is going to read these posts and it would only make him sorry and I can not take this.
I suppose darling realized it one day and pinged me on messenger that he is sorry about making fun of me in front of others. and I said I am not so childish to be hurt with all this. Though I was so, every single time darling would introduce me others as wally.
Past couple of years I had developed very bad habit of hitting others on back and that also real hard. Ended up doing same to darling and then,... well darling felt that this how I retaliated to all those mocks darling cast at me. Darling, you know I never intended any retaliation, it was just an old habit and see I stopped it now, completely.
By now we had begun to chat on messenger and darling told me one day that darling does not get sleep, it's been so from about 1 year. I did not do much, besides bidding darling good night on messenger. Darling started to open up with me slowly but only on messenger. And one day darling said that there have been times when darling did not have any shoulder to cry on. Darling had been sacrificing for others sake since childhood but no one has ever bothered or ever had any chance to help darling. Darling had been sort of outcast in college too, as darling was too brilliant for other class mates to accept. For a while I felt I am looking at mirror. Though I have not been as brilliant and deep heart as darling but I felt darling is some where as lonely as I am. And this is when I decided I would make darling sleep. That's the only thing I could have helped darling with. I thought I would either make darling sleep or become an insomniac myself. May be this was the beginning of our love.
So every night I would keep tabs on when darling would sleep, and darling began to realize it soon and started asking me to sleep soon. I began to ask darling to log off not work any more and get to deep sleep. And it was not supposed to work easily, as darling would just go offline (just to make me feel that darling is slept) and cont with work. Ever day in morning cab I would ask how long did darling sleep. And then was the day when darling slept for less than 4 hours and told me the same. And I had tons of tears in my eyes. Well, I tried to contain them as much as possible. We sit in last row in cab and darling asked me to sit near him. Kept his had on my hand and I asked darling to at least close eyes, if not sleep. I felt my whole effort of making darling sleep was going in vein. We reached office and I had break fast with darling. Later darling asked me to come to one empty floor of office and then hugged me there. Hugged me very tight and said I should not cry for such things, there might be many big problems in life than worrying about his sleep. But darling, I can never stop worrying about you sleep. Never ever. Still there was no love between us and both of us would treat each other as brothers....And darling promised me that he would sleep well, and try to put best possible effort to do so.
Darling always wanted to come to my room and wanted to know more about me. Darling would always ask me about my so least visits to home and one day I said to darling about family issues (can have a dedicated post about it) and since then darling wanted me to speak more and let my feelings vent out. Darling would always tell me that he is not gay but would kiss me on lips and dry my tears. And I said to darling that I don't care whether he is gay, lesbian, bi or asexual.
It was 21st Jan night when darling came to stay over night. Since there is just one bed in my room and that also so tiny I asked darling to sleep downstairs after dinner, since there were two beds available downstairs. But darling insisted to sleep with me in small bed. Darling said that he would be very comfortable with me in the small bed. In the eve darling was talking about his family and how they have survived toughest of times in life. And then we headed out of dinner. Once we were back, darling wanted to know every thing about me. Every single worry which has engulfed me till date. I started and I started with tears, I said every thing to darling. I told darling how downcast I have been since my childhood and on and on and on... This was the time when darling kissed gently on my lips. A very mild and short kiss, and then I reciprocated and then....
I was completely in to darling and so was darling to me. This was first time of love in my life and I can not say how happy I was. I remember having asked darling to marry me and darling said that it's not marriage it is meeting of two souls. And I again ran in to tears. I said to darling you gave me life and killed me today too, to which darling said that I need to be more understanding and marriage is not every thing in life, and if marriage matters so much to me then darling will marry me also. Till then it was morning and darling moved home.
Some thing changed after that, I said to darling if there is even .01% chance of us being together, I would not leave any stone unturned and darling accepted my love. We started to meet at least once a week in my room. There was nothing hidden b/w us. Both us know that it is going to be most difficult to be in India and be together, both of use want to be away... to a place where only darling and I would be there for ever. And we need to work to make it work...
