I often realized that darling is not same when others are around me. I always feel that it is not my shj and some one else. Some one who likes to mock at me, letting others know how pathetic my life has been. Once when darling and I were together I told darling about me not feeling my self at all when others are around us. To which darling said, this is true me (darling) when darling and I are alone.
But then is keeps coming back to me. Today while coming back in evening cab. Darling said to others how boring my life is, I don't even go home often. But then darling stopped, Wonder if darling realized that it hurts me. It is not so that it is not true. My life has been pathetic and I can not deny this. But when some one so close to me speaks about it so publicly it indeed hurts me. And given my cynicism I only have weird thoughts coming to my mind. Ending my life and getting rid of all these heavy feelings.
Darling once told me that darling has spoken about my problem to one of his good colleague. who is known to me also. I am afraid how much about me darling told to his friend. And every time I see him it comes to me how much he knows about me.
I love darling and can take any abuse coming from him, Even if darling kills me I would still love him. But I feel very sad when darling utters such words about me to other. Since eve darling is sending me apology messages to which I have been replying about my life being pathetic and no one has to apologize for it. Well it is true also. I my self know that I am pathetic, moron. cynical, psycho who does not deserve any love, and I am afraid no one can ever be happy with me including darling.
Darling if you find some one else tomorrow, please go ahead and leave me. I can live this life alone as long as possible. and would be happy to see you with your life partner.
I love you darling.
Yours
DDT
But then is keeps coming back to me. Today while coming back in evening cab. Darling said to others how boring my life is, I don't even go home often. But then darling stopped, Wonder if darling realized that it hurts me. It is not so that it is not true. My life has been pathetic and I can not deny this. But when some one so close to me speaks about it so publicly it indeed hurts me. And given my cynicism I only have weird thoughts coming to my mind. Ending my life and getting rid of all these heavy feelings.
Darling once told me that darling has spoken about my problem to one of his good colleague. who is known to me also. I am afraid how much about me darling told to his friend. And every time I see him it comes to me how much he knows about me.
I love darling and can take any abuse coming from him, Even if darling kills me I would still love him. But I feel very sad when darling utters such words about me to other. Since eve darling is sending me apology messages to which I have been replying about my life being pathetic and no one has to apologize for it. Well it is true also. I my self know that I am pathetic, moron. cynical, psycho who does not deserve any love, and I am afraid no one can ever be happy with me including darling.
Darling if you find some one else tomorrow, please go ahead and leave me. I can live this life alone as long as possible. and would be happy to see you with your life partner.
I love you darling.
Yours
DDT
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