Saturday, April 23, 2011

Darling became Honey....

Darling always used to say that he has contained lot with in him and what ever face of darling I see in front of others is just a simulated person and not my darling. And I saw all of this on 21st April.
I again found darling working late night on Thursday, pinged him at 1:30 am and logged off immediately so that darling could sleep early instead of chatting with me. At about 2am darling sent one sms -

"I love you darling, I so want to be in your arms.... My mind is just not having any peace at all these days... Im unable to control tears now...Too many uncertainties are making me unsettled darling... I wish my head could blast into a 1000 pieces....Hon I really miss you now more than ever...."

I tried to console darling but wonder how mush it helped.

Next day darling said that he wanted to come home in eve and then later in eve we were together. Darling kept his head on my shoulder, hugged me and said he has been feeling very lonely in office now a days and I told hon to not feel so and all of  us are here with darling. We were sitting on bed and darling had tears coming out, incessantly. I had never seen darling like this. Just one or two tears and not more ever. But on Thursday, darling became honey.

Darling had been feeling immense pressure from all over - buying a new house, Darling's admit, Office. Darling said that he never felt close to his brother. And I know that no one else has seen this face of darling.
Then darling asked me if he does not get admit then I should move to a bigger house and bring my parents here. Darling wants me to spend time with parents and I told hon that if mom comes here  then she would keep asking about marriage, but I would keep delaying it more and more. Darling was again rushed in to tears and said that he made my life more difficult.

Darling - If life was ever easy for me then it is now and if I have ever been close to my parents then it is only after meeting you. And if you feel it is difficult then be it, I want these difficulties, I can't live with out these difficulties. I can't live with out you darling.

Some how I also ran in to tears and started crying loud. Though I should have been consoling darling but I was crying louder than him and darling began to console. This was one of the most emotional night I spent with darling. I told darling to let his tears flow if it helps any way, I so loved to be in arms of darling that eve...................

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Darling had sever wrist pain yesterday....

Darling pinged me in the afternoon and said that he is having sever wrist pain and I kept asking darling to avoid typing as much as possible. I could not meet darling until we got in to cab. Darling was all smiling in cab with out as if there was no pain what so ever. Darling is so so strong to take any pain in his stride and sport a smile. I found it impossible to ctrl my tears in cab. Later darling returned the "fast relief" I had give him to use some time ago. I felt sorry but did not want to argue with love so kept it in my beg. Wonder if darling realized and asked me to let me apply over his palm. I rubbed it on his palm, but was skeptical of darling having any relief.  After some time darling got down from cab and I kept smsing darling to give rest to his hand.

We had a call in the evening and darling started pinging me. As again I asked darling to stop it and else it would exacerbate the pain. But darling was not ready to give up and kept sending me all hearts and kiss in skype. I was gettting all angry and asked darling - " I will hit my hand hard, would u stop then?" to which darling replied -

"no honey ..
[4/12/2011 10:18:39 PM] im not chatting now... ill stop plzzz
[4/12/2011 10:18:50 PM] plzz meri kasam dont do anything to urself
[4/12/2011 10:37:16 PM] love...
[4/12/2011 10:37:22 PM] are you alright?"

and then we were to begin with call. Call was over soon and darling wanted to see me over Skype. By then I was very upset with darling for not listening to me. Darling was afraid if I would do some thing to my hands darling said -

[4/12/2011 10:37:49 PM] darling: pick up i wanna see you
[4/12/2011 10:37:52 PM] darling: plzzz once
[4/12/2011 10:38:01 PM] me: guess wil sleep soon
[4/12/2011 10:38:08 PM] me: u too try plz

[4/12/2011 10:38:13 PM] me: and dont type more
[4/12/2011 10:38:28 PM] darling: plzz answer call
[4/12/2011 10:38:32 PM]  me: sorry
[4/12/2011 10:38:35 PM]  me: I would log off
[4/12/2011 10:38:41 PM] darling: plzzzzzzzzz
[4/12/2011 10:38:43 PM]  me: I am all well trust me
[4/12/2011 10:38:49 PM] darling: plzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
[4/12/2011 10:38:53 PM] darling: i wanna see you
[4/12/2011 10:38:58 PM] darling: plzzzzzz
[4/12/2011 10:39:03 PM] darling: i beg you
[4/12/2011 10:39:16 PM] *** Missed call from darling. ***
[4/12/2011 10:39:28 PM] darling: i beg you hon
[4/12/2011 10:39:31 PM]  me: please yar dont force me
[4/12/2011 10:39:32 PM] darling: plzzzzz
[4/12/2011 10:39:35 PM]  me: please
[4/12/2011 10:39:36 PM]  me: please
[4/12/2011 10:39:37 PM]  me: please
[4/12/2011 10:39:38 PM] darling: am on my knees
[4/12/2011 10:39:39 PM]  me: please
[4/12/2011 10:39:40 PM]  me: please
[4/12/2011 10:39:44 PM]  me: I am on my life
[4/12/2011 10:39:44 PM] darling: 1 min is enough
[4/12/2011 10:39:49 PM]  me: please
[4/12/2011 10:39:51 PM]  me: please
[4/12/2011 10:39:56 PM]  me: please
[4/12/2011 10:39:57 PM] darling: 30 secs?
[4/12/2011 10:39:59 PM]  me: please
[4/12/2011 10:40:00 PM]  me: please
[4/12/2011 10:40:02 PM]  me: please
[4/12/2011 10:40:03 PM]  me: please
[4/12/2011 10:40:05 PM]  me: please
[4/12/2011 10:40:07 PM]  me: please
[4/12/2011 10:40:10 PM]  me: please
[4/12/2011 10:40:15 PM] *** Call from darling ***



This is when I picked up the call and darling wanted to see my hands desperately. This was the shortest call we had on skype and me moron wanted to disconnect as soon as possible...


[4/12/2011 10:40:54 PM] darling: left hand
[4/12/2011 10:40:57 PM] darling: you have been crying
[4/12/2011 10:41:09 PM] darling: remove spectacles
[4/12/2011 10:41:39 PM]  me: namaskar


After a while darling called me up to make sure I am all well. Once the call was over I began to miss darling badly, feeling of separation started to engulf me. I was not able to ctrl my tears and started crying very loud. Kept music on so one could listen me out. I wanted to talk to darling so logged in to skype, though darling was not online by then but I could not stop my self from typing and I said to darling -

[4/12/2011 11:18:31 PM] me: hon i miss u, wanted to be wiith you today
[4/12/2011 11:19:02 PM] me: I can not ctrl my tears today
[4/12/2011 11:19:56 PM] me: sorry darling, i am so cruel was not letting you see me today
[4/12/2011 11:20:20 PM] me: i feel very lonely darling
[4/12/2011 11:21:21 PM] me: i dont have any one in life than you who knows me ins and outs
[4/12/2011 11:21:46 PM] me: i m so afraid of loosing you :(
[4/12/2011 11:23:33 PM] me: what would  i do without you? without my life, I would end my life tha live with out you. If god wants this then be it
[4/12/2011 11:28:47 PM] me: I hold any thing thinlking it is you and shed my tears
[4/12/2011 11:38:40 PM] me: I am listening to welcome now...
[4/12/2011 11:38:57 PM] me: unable to ctrl my tears
[4/12/2011 11:39:34 PM] me: raga "nalinakanti"
[4/12/2011 11:39:39 PM] me: ..........
[4/12/2011 11:39:41 PM] me: ........
[4/12/2011 11:39:41 PM] me: ......
[4/12/2011 11:39:43 PM] me: ....
[4/12/2011 11:39:45 PM] me: ...
[4/12/2011 11:39:45 PM] me: ..
[4/12/2011 11:39:47 PM] me: .
[4/12/2011 11:40:10 PM] me: I so very feel end of life is end of all my maniac thoughts
[4/12/2011 11:40:36 PM] me: see I told you, I would tell when ever I have such feeling..
[4/12/2011 11:40:42 PM] me: I am doing that darling
[4/12/2011 11:41:00 PM] me: are you listening
[4/12/2011 11:41:05 PM] me: honey
[4/12/2011 11:41:50 PM] me: darling I am not promiscuous...
[4/12/2011 11:42:11 PM] me: I just wan to be with you dont want any thing in return
[4/12/2011 11:42:46 PM] me: if I am allowed to spend a single moment with u in exchange of life i would feel blessed
[4/12/2011 11:43:24 PM] me: darling I see so much happiness on ur face and me
[4/12/2011 11:43:33 PM] me: pathtic moron robo
[4/12/2011 11:43:56 PM] me: I could not be of my own family..........
[4/12/2011 11:44:23 PM] me: honey u there
[4/12/2011 11:44:31 PM] me: I am talkin to u
[4/12/2011 11:44:35 PM] me: ...
[4/12/2011 11:44:36 PM] me: ..
[4/12/2011 11:44:36 PM] me: .
[4/12/2011 11:47:14 PM] me: i love u darling
[4/12/2011 11:47:21 PM] me: forever
[4/12/2011 11:47:49 PM] me: till i hv any existence in any world
[4/12/2011 11:47:57 PM] me: in any form
[4/12/2011 11:50:04 PM] me: I prey to god if he could give even 1 % of ur wrist pain to me
[4/12/2011 11:50:13 PM] me: d
[4/12/2011 11:50:13 PM] me: a
[4/12/2011 11:50:14 PM] me: r
[4/12/2011 11:50:14 PM] me: l
[4/12/2011 11:50:16 PM] me: i
[4/12/2011 11:50:17 PM] me: n
[4/12/2011 11:50:17 PM] me: g
[4/12/2011 11:50:24 PM] me: u
[4/12/2011 11:50:26 PM] me: are
[4/12/2011 11:50:29 PM] me: my
[4/12/2011 11:50:30 PM] me: life

I slept in a while and then was the morning to see darling in cab. Darling came and asked me why I was crying, though I was trying hard to ctrl my tears. Then darling said that he got up at 4am today to finish some office work and I was feeling for darling's had. I asked darling to close eyes and try to sleep. Darling closed eyes and then I saw a pearl in his eye. A real pearl, I had never seen tear in darling's eye till date. I wipe it and tried to make darling sleep. And then we reached office. I asked darling why he cried and he said out of happiness as how much I care about him... and what I did nothing....

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Darling's birthday 9th April 2011

And we decided to leave early from office on 8th April. Darling's parent were out and darling said that I could spend time with him at his home. Both of us were suffering from heavy head throbbing and I was all happy to with the feeling of being able to spend some time with darling. Felt as if my headache disappeared.

And then was the time to leave office, we had ice cream on the way and were in auto to my darl's home.
Darling applied "Jhandubalm"  to me and did same for him. And then we were in each others arms. Darling did not seem to have any relief from pain and I ask him to sleep for some time. As soon as darling started to snore phone rang. There was hardly any time when darling could take rest consistently. And then was the time for me to leave. Darling's parents were about to come. And next day was darl's birthday. I wished birthday to darl in middle of night and I know darl called me so that I could sleep well :-* :-* :-*.........

And then was the morning of 9th April. My darl's birthday... Darling had to go to his "Maansi's" home and promised me that would take time to meet me in eve. Evening came and I was being desperate to meet my love and began to send smses at about 6, darling replied at about 6:30 and asked to be at home at 7:15ish... And I was all filled with joy. Decided to take cake on the way, b/w darling kept asking me status on sms. I got the cake and reached darling's home. Darling's parents were also there, we were singing birthday song, captured one video, couple of pics and darling was all set to cut the cake. Then we had cake and darling asked me to have dinner and stay overnight. Dinner was fine but staying night when darling's parent were there, I was little reluctant. But darling its his birthday request and kept repeating and I complied. We had dinner some time later and indeed home made dinner and darling and I were all set to sleep. Holding each others hand and me listening to darl's snoring. Looking at his face. I am just not ready to give up listening to darl snoring and looking at him when he is sleeping.
When ever darling got up, he kissed me and I too. Love, how much we love each other,  no one in this world can ever understand.
Then was the morning and I had to leave.Darling gave me boost to drink and dropped me till auto....

Morning mom called up and started to ask about my "false" love life which I have been using to push my marriage. I should write a different blog post on this but can only say I need to be strong, as strong as my darling to to face any circumstances....

Darling I love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu :-*

Monday, April 4, 2011

Darling called me his home - 25th, 26th and 27th Feb 2011

Most beautiful days of my life ever.

I was coming back from home and thankfully there was no flight delay this time. had to travel from Indore to Bombay and from Bombay to my darling's arm. Reached Bangalore at about 7:30 and let darling know I was near her. Darling was all excited to know that I was in and wanted to come to pick me. And I said - "are you mad" to which darling replied, "yes in your love". I reached near darling's home knocked the door and darling opened the door and I was welcome with open arms. Darling grabbed me in his arms and kissed me passionately. I can not forget this image of darling, so endearing so full of love.

We reached up and kept kissing. I was a lil sick at home but wah all energetic once I was in darling's arms. We kept kissing till.... Then was time for dinner and darling had some Indian bread prepared for me. There was cricket match going on and I was tired to sleep. I closed my eyes and darling was watching match. Later when I got up I found tv running and darling sleeping. I turned off television and lights and went in to darling's arms and darling was still sleeping. I love to see darling sleeping. That night we so close to each other with out any inhibitions....

Then was the day and darling wanted me take oil bath. Darling had been insisting on it since I told him about my body heat. Darling said that he would get me oil bath. Asked me to put off clothes. I was feeling a lil shy and asked darling to do same. I felt that oil would make room darling asked darling to move to bathroom. and then darling applied oil to me and I did same to darling. And darling said that we should wait for some time before cleaning oil from our bodies. And then we were kissing each other for log, darling offered me to ...... and then.... and then we cleaned each other. The most refreshing and beautiful bathing I have ever had. And the kiss after this was so refreshing....

I spent two complete days with darling. Eating, sleeping, drinking and even taking bath with darling. had not experienced this much love in my life and I must have done some thing really good to have it experienced in this life.

I am going to get this opportunity again to spend days in hon's arm and I know they would be most beautiful than ever....  I love you darling.